For a few days now, I’ve been itching to create something.
I want to create content.
But I have also been feeling a little iffy about my work/s.
There’s always that fear that I might not deliver, that I did not deliver; or that it might not be given attention. This is hard because I (used to) think that I don’t need an audience. But I do. I really do.
I was going through the pictures I shot when we went to Rainbow Dreams Café and the Under The Sea Café last week. And although the colors were nice because of the restaurants’ aesthetics, I still feel like I underperformed. Like I could have taken better photos but I was too preoccupied with meeting this set of blogger friends for the first time. Or I hate that my videos were all too freaking shaky and lack substance so I can’t even create a no-speaking vlog. (How do you even call those vlogs?)
I always, always feel this way.
How do I even keep up?
I’ve been wanting to post a Sunday Currently and here I am! Hahaha!
13 Reasons Why. I already watched the series but I just want to read the book. This is so not me because I prefer reading before watching. The show just have such an impact on me, I need to read it too.
Pausing for a while, away from the volume of the audio and the fast transitions of stills.
I have yet to decide on what plan to apply, how to arrange designs uniformly for a more pleasing aesthetic, and to come up with strategies to let my presence be heard (or for aptness, seen).
But life lately had been a blur. I am the worst whenever I am anxious. I am still trying to convince myself that maybe I was not depressed before, maybe it was an anxiety disorder. But in truth, I don’t think we will ever know.
I have always been fascinated with music photography. It started in 2010, albeit with non-existential gears, when I suddenly was into OPM bands. I was still a noob in the industry then, having only my friend’s cameras to play with. I remember hating how low the aperture and ISO their cameras had back then. (I’m just glad the I have a 50mm lens to use now.) Last year, I got to cover my first ever concert in La Salle.
I wrote this a few years back in the middle of my eagerness to do just that. I interviewd Niña Sandejas, who’s one of my favorite music photographers (and a woman at that), to know more about the interesting industry she belongs in. Below is the copy of the article:
The clamor for photography may be an effect of strenuous social media and networking sites. Although far from the more popular studio photography and the modern “selfies” and “phoneography,” music photography had set a different record for the still art. Niña Sandejas, one of the growing numbers of female music photographers in the country, takes us to what is up and about, and how this camerawork shoots.
One Friday morning, I suddenly felt the urge to write something like this again. It was already eight in the morning and I haven’t slept.
I did not intend to post this; but last night, I had a dream that felt so real. And it involved me having a boyfriend. So that triggered it.
Maybe make this a regular series, what do you think?
Dear Future Boyfriend,
I’m writing to you to let you know that I think, right now, God isn’t giving me you because I don’t deserve you. Not yet.