One Friday morning, I suddenly felt the urge to write something like this again. It was already eight in the morning and I haven’t slept.
I did not intend to post this; but last night, I had a dream that felt so real. And it involved me having a boyfriend. So that triggered it.
Maybe make this a regular series, what do you think?
Dear Future Boyfriend,
I’m writing to you to let you know that I think, right now, God isn’t giving me you because I don’t deserve you. Not yet.
I’ve read an article about loving people who’ve been single way too long, that we have a hard time letting people in because we’ve taken so much time building, not just walls, but also ourselves.
Recently, I resorted to thinking that I’ve been doing a lot of things on my own, despite that fear of being alone. I used to think that I was lonely; but later on realized that I was, in fact, just independent.
I dine on my own. Have coffee on my own. Get home all by myself (don’t wanna be… just kidding). I sleep without having the need to text somebody. The only decisions I consider are only of my own. There’s no need to update someone how my day went. No need to ask someone how theirs was. My happiness is the only thing I have to worry about. There’s no pressure to save up for anniversary gifts or other important milestones. In short, the only debates I answer are mine, and mine, alone.
If you think about it though, it’s kind of sad.
Sometimes I wish I have company when eating out. Or that somebody orders for me at the coffee shop while I save us a seat. That after a long day, your text (or mine) can lighten up the end of our day. That decisions are not just mine to make, that someone is there to help me weigh down the pros and the cons. How does it feel when my happiness is someone else’s priority, that it isn’t just me who has to make an effort? I’m not into flowers, but how would it feel like to receive one? Or just anything that reminds me of you? And then maybe, someone I can argue with just to prove a point or simply to just annoy; sometimes just making me win because he loves seeing that victorious smile on my face. (Also because, I don’t really easily back down.)
But really though, please choose a girl who’s been single for so long.
Because that girl will give you all the love you deserve, something she’s been wanting to share to somebody new. A love that she’s been saving up all these years; something that is way overdue.
All my love,
Your Future Girlfriend