Dear Past Self

Dear past self,

I know, I understand. It’s totally fine. You will be fine.

You have been scared of your future. Hello, you’re just 15 years old?! You’re unsure if Information Technology is the right path to take. You don’t know if you want to enrol in this course just to get into UST. Not getting admitted to Communication Arts is not the end of your “artistry.” You will eventually realize what you are meant to do. You will meet many great people in your first few years, but they won’t be there forever. Enjoy every joke your current fave gay friend shares. Indulge in all your new moments with new friendships you’ve built. You know that scary, dark field at night? In there, new foundations of relationships shall begin construction. But you won’t be with them forever. You’ll be alone at times after stopping for one semester but you will still see them. Smile at them for me, for I never got the chance to say hi when I bumped into them a couple of times. You will be shy, just like when you were in grade school.

I know, I understand.

You will get to shift to Communication Arts. You will meet new people that you’ll love and they will make you feel like everything’s going to be fine. You’ll be friends with them even after they graduate. But life won’t treat you as fairly as what you wanted. Prioritize that pain you feel. It won’t be easy but by letting yourself honour that emotional torture, you will be free. It’s okay if shifting again, now to Journalism, doesn’t make you comfortable. It’s okay you don’t feel welcomed yet. Do not lie to yourself. Do not tell people you’re happy when you are not. But tell them again that you feel like this was God’s way of putting you in the right track, because it will really seem like that. You’ll be shy, waiting for professors to get inside the classroom because you don’t know anyone from that block; sometimes you’ll be shy to attend class when you’re late; you’ll ask for countless chances because you’ll keep on missing classes; you’ll meet so many shitty people but there will always be good ones who will show you how much of a talented person you are.

You will almost give up but you will stand up again, chin up high, and with a smile. It will be a cycle: falling down, getting back up, falling down, feeling hopeless, getting help, standing up, falling down, getting back up, falling down, feeling like you’re being dragged down even more, falling down again.

It’s totally fine.

But you will eventually stand strong and won’t let these hurdles stop you from getting that dream and finally graduating. You will spend seven years in UST: 13 semesters and two summer semesters. It will not define who you are as a student nor will it make you less of a person. Because you will pass; pass this phase in life, pass all your subjects, and most importantly, exit and pass through the arch of the centuries.

I promise, you will be fine.

 

Love,

Your recently-graduated self

P.S. I didn’t get to shoot a video of our exit because it was raining soooooo hard and there were thunderstorms while we were waiting.

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