Hello! It’s February and I don’t even know what happened that I kept forgetting to write. That is very ironic considering I already bought a domain for me to start typing more.
Where the heck did I go? I still haven’t posted anything since I moved. I haven’t even explained the reason for this domain.
During the term break, either I was contemplating on life or I was just BUSY being a bum. I would sleep really late and would binge watch House M.D. or try any other movies I see on Netflix before I sleep. Netflix should really be accounted for sleepless night. Lol. Until now that we’re finally on our second term, I still watch the tv show before I hit the sack. Never really bothered to compose anything.
The only time I did try writing something was with this Instagram post:
The note reads: “IF YOU DON’T SEE ME BREATHING AGAIN: Please do not blame yourself. I failed because of my wrongdoings, not because I WAS FAILED. And that I love each and everyone of you, Mama, Papa, Ate, Chichi. I just don’t want to be a burden anymore. Donate all my things except for these: camera, lenses, computer, printer, and watches. Donate my heart, eyes, and whatever is possible.” I’ve written a couple of suicide notes —some on my school notebooks, my laptop, subtlety on blog posts—but never had the courage to end my life; if courage is even the right adjective to use. Reading this particular one made me realize that I was, and admittedly am, such a coward to even think about it. That if I indeed committed suicide, I am leaving behind an unfinished puzzle, a discontinued story, a scrapped film. That I’m leaving could have beens and if onlys and numerous whys. People close to me have been telling me to fight it but I keep building walls, higher and higher. I hear but I don’t listen. I vent but I never follow advices. I long for company yet I keep pushing people away. I’m sorry because I am what I am. I’m sorry because I struggle everyday, dragging myself out of bed just for the sake of waking up. I’m sorry I keep putting up a brave front. I am sorry. But don’t worry. I try, I really do. And I will keep on doing so. #vscocam
Which, by the way, stirred exchanges of messages with my mother and a few relatives. I guess they were just concerned. But really though, I’ve been great!
(I stopped for a couple of seconds thinking, “when I wasn’t typing, I had so many things going on in my mind and now I can’t even think of anything!!!)
Oh! *lightbulb moment* I received 11 and a half dozens red velvet cupcake orders during the weekend. Not because I’m single doesn’t mean I have to be bitter with other people who are in relationships. So instead of spending the day as usual usual, I accepted orders for the sweets. Everybody loved it. Well, of course, except for the two who decided not to get the half dozens they reserved. #UGH
Also, I was on the lookout for a really good planner but everything’s so darn expensive. Trish had really great suggestions but nothing really adhered to my standard. (LOLWHUT) I decided to just use my old Plain Moleskine and practiced the Bullet Journal, which is so me and fuss free.
Ano pa ba?
Right now, I’m thinking about the endless reviewing I need to do for an exam on Saturday. But here I am, blogging. As if that’s something new. (Really though, I get all these feelings to suddenly write when I need to study. Why now, life?)
And with that, I got to go!
I’ll just end this post with this: the ones you love hurt you the most.