I’m still alive.
Well, if you you follow me on social media then you would know. I don’t even know if somebody reads my blog or if people even still read blogs. Do they?
I kind of stopped.
The last one I wrote was in February and it was not even intended to be here. It was a typical note in my phone that I thought can be published since it was timely—emotions and Valentine’s Day, amirite?
But before that blog post, in September of 2017, I wrote about struggling to create something. Everything just seemed underdone.
More than a year after, I am in a completely different place.
I have been employed for 11 months now. My life completely went 360 degrees from being a worthless piece of shit (not my word) to being a human being contributing to the world. Or am I?
I wrote this piece for work (still not writing as a job though) and all my life updates were in there. Long story short: our first account shut down, I met new amazing people who make my existence bearable, was transferred to a new team, found a family that I enjoy working with despite the stress and pressure.
I’ve always thought that I’m being productive because, hello, work. But honestly, I am still struggling. I feel like I can do more. But I can’t come up with a plan because I’m also hesitant to leave. Like what I said, I love where I’m at and I’m enjoying. But you know that feeling that you’re craving for more? Like there’s more to it than this?
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just demotivated about everything: work, home, and even my health.
Let’s just hope I get out of this phase soon.